The ball is rolling!

Several of you have contacted me to see how things were going this week. I have desperately wanted to send an update but was reluctant that any news would be potentially more confusing than helpful. Heck, there were a few times this week I couldn’t keep the facts straight because I received different facts from different people. Yes . . . I had some pull-your-hair-out moments this week (but then I thought, “No, don’t do that. Your hair is precious . . . just scream or something”).

Really though, the Lord seems to be hammering one lesson home continually throughout this “unexpected journey” – keep trusting Me. Keep trusting Me when things don’t make sense. Keep trusting Me when you have to wait. Keep trusting Me when you don’t have clear answers. Keep trusting Me when you are afraid. Keep trusting Me when hope is deferred. Keep trusting Me – trust Me for My plan. Trust Me for your future. Trust Me in this moment.

One such moment was after Chris and I decided (after much prayer) to go with the doctor at MDA recommended by Dr. Benjamin for my radiosurgery. We felt assurance this was the clear path, but when I found out the doctor was no longer accepting patients because he was moving, I began to doubt our decision. Especially when the doctor the radiation nurse suggested did not have as much experience doing this particular radiosurgery procedure and the other doctor she mentioned wasn’t available until June 3. It meant more waiting and the thought we should consider the doctor here. Add to this the fact we would probably be making at least three trips to Houston over a span of three weeks (for a consult, pre-treatment imaging & treatment), and my heart started racing thinking, “When will we get an appointment? Who will do this procedure? When can we start this process? Is my cancer spreading while we wait?”

The Lord gave me this sweet devotional from Jesus Calling the day this happened . . .

When things don’t go as you would like, accept the situation immediately. If you indulge in feelings of regret, they can easily spill over the line into resentment. Remember that I am sovereign over your circumstances, and humble yourself under My mighty hand. Rejoice in what I am doing in your life, even though it is beyond your understanding.

I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. In Me you have everything you need, both for this life and for the life yet to come. Don’t let the impact of the world shatter your thinking or draw you away from focusing on Me. The ultimate challenge is to keep fixing your eyes on Me, no matter what is going on around you. When I am central in your thinking, you are able to view circumstances from My perspective.

So . . . you see the common theme? Trust. I was still struggling with it this morning when I woke up. And even though I surrendered the day to Him, I seemed to pick my agenda right back up along with my phone to try to get answers. After leaving a few voice messages, I had to surrender again. Ironically (and I can say this rarely happens), my phone started ringing with answers – a game plan to begin my treatment. On the fifth day of not knowing the start of the game plan, the four initial pieces to make radiosurgery a reality were all falling into place. What is even more miraculous, they were falling into place in one trip! I had pushed for this, but due to my weak faith and a very full schedule at MDA, I didn’t expect it.

So, this is my schedule for next week at MD Anderson . . .
-- Tuesday, May 28: MRI of C-spine (4:15pm), appointment with Dr. Benjamin (6pm)
-- Thursday, May 30: Consultation with my radiosurgeon, Dr. Brown (1pm)
-- Friday, May 31: Pre-treatment imaging (late afternoon)
-- 5-7 business days following: stereotactic spine radiation begins (not entirely sure, but we think 3-5 days for treatment)

Prayer and praise:
-- A big hug and heart of thanksgiving to all of my prayer warriors who continually take these requests to the throne in full confidence the Lord will answer . . . He is!
-- Thank you for your continual encouragement through cards, texts and messages. They carry me through difficult weeks and will continue to do so.
-- The radiosurgery is contingent upon my being a good candidate for treatment (which will be determined by my radiosurgeon and my C-spine MRI). Pray I will fit the ticket and it will be effective.
-- For logistics to come together as we prep to leave for a week.
-- For clear communication with & confidence in Dr. Benjamin & my treatment plan
-- For continued healing of my body – specifically my upper and lower back pain. It has been intense and discouraging at times this week.
-- Healthy weight and muscle gain.
-- For complete healing (be it miraculous or through medicine).

But enough about me, we celebrated the birth of our third goddaughter on May 23 – Lucy Kathleen. Here she is with my dear friend and her proud mama, Kelly, as well as her big sisters, Liberty & Eva:

I am a proud mama too! Here’s my girl. Can you imagine these four girls in a few years!?!