A Mother's Prayer

We don't typically wear t-shirts and go without make-up for a Mother's Day pose but this wasn't a typical Mother's Day - at least not in my books. The silver lining was that I got to spend this special day with five of my favorite people and that made it more bearable. To know my Mother's Day would not be spent at church worshipping the Lord and celebrating my mother but rather spent in an MRI for two hours investigating my spine and several more hours in a car traveling home without any more answers definitely put a damper on the day. However, I'm willing to go through one gloomy Mother's Day in order to live out several more - healthy and strong.

I can't lie, I held back tears several times on the drive to MD Anderson Sunday being reminded of this bad dream from which I can't awaken. There are times I still can't believe all of this is really happening. (Fair warning - I'll probably say that several more times in the months to come). Regardless, that is how my family spent Mother's Day, and I am utterly grateful we were together no matter the location.


For several years, Mother's Day has been a difficult day for me. I've lost two precious little ones, struggle with infertility and continue to have a deep longing for more children. Again, this Mother's Day was another reminder the dream of children is only that (a dream) in light of the new battle I'm facing. On the other hand, my "unexpected journey" has shed new light on what I already knew. Alexa Hope is a precious gift and miracle from our Father. She is even more so now that the docs are confident I've had this tumor since 2008. She was and still is "Our Hope Fulfilled," and if you've read our blog for any amount of time, you will realize I don't take her life for granted . . . I cherish it. Even in the trenches of shepherding our little whipper-snapper's heart, I thank God for the opportunity He's given me to be called "Mama," to sing hymns with my little girl, and to watch her joyfully live life. Her smile still gets to me. Being a mommy is my highest privilege and delight. It is the driving force for me to fight this vile thing within me like a lion. My boxing gloves are on.

In light of all of that has transpired the past six weeks, I feel this song expresses the longings of my heart for my precious "Hope Fulfilled." I know not what the future holds, but my prayer is it will include many, many more years with my knight (Chris) watching our daughter grow into the child of promise the Lord has often whispered to my heart she is. As her life verse states, "May the God of hope fill Alexa will all joy and peace as she trusts in Him, so she may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Alexa Hope, this is my prayer for you . . .



**Thank you Laura for introducing me to the Gettys.

Mom - My Caretaker
I would be remiss if I didn't honor my mother who has definitely fulfilled that role in every facet over the past month. Upon the news I might have cancer, my mother and father were headed to Norman prepared to do everything in a parent's power to make the diagnosis easier. Since then, my mother has been my nurse and prayer warrior - constantly by my side, devouring every book about cancer, nutrition and healing, and doing her very best to fatten me up while starving the cancer cells (thanks to a Vitamix, Ninja & juicer). She fulfilled this role 14 years prior when I had a serious jaw surgery. She laid by my side keeping ice packs in constant rotation and prepared the most fattening, delicious shakes to prevent major weight loss. When I had my post-op appt with the doc, they couldn't believe I was only 14 days out of surgery. I have to admit, I did look pretty incredible in light of what they did to my face. I have a sneaking suspicion this cancer has another battle to fight with my mom by my side. She won't give it a chance to thrive. And my prayer is that every scan the docs do, they will be amazed by the cancer's limited ability to live in my body. Perhaps they didn't calculate prayer and a mother's love into the chemotherapy treatment. That is my prayer and I hope it is yours as well. A simple thank you doesn't seem adequate to express my gratitude for what you have always meant to me, Mom, especially now. I love you!

Hol - My Advocate
Thank you for giving up Mother's Day with your incredible children and hubby to spend it by my side. In fact, thank you for all of the activities you've sacrificed with your children to be at my appointments, my surgeries, to watch Alexa or to do my laundry when I felt so incapable. You are my advocate, my researcher and my fighter especially when I don't have much fight in me.  If it weren't for you, I never would've gotten into Dr. Smith and where would we be then? You are the level-headed one making sense of things when I am emotional. I feel stronger when you are beside me because you have always exemplified strength to me. I am confident I will fight harder because you are there pushing me and believing in me. Plus, I really enjoy watching you eat all of these veggies mom is making me eat, so you make me smile quite a bit too. Just remember, I'm still looking up to you. Thank you for never tarnishing the role of "big sis." Once my role model - always my role model. I love you!