In my "Clean shaven" post, I mentioned a full rainbow Chris saw around the time I was getting my head shaved. I didn't have the privilege of witnessing it's beauty, but a sweet friend (thank you Amy) read my post and shared this image with me. This is the rainbow the Lord chose to graciously display that evening. For me, it's a beautiful reminder of His love & faithfulness especially in the midst of stormy circumstances.
Well, we are back in Houston for a follow-up visit to see if the first two rounds of my chemotherapy have been effective in shrinking my primary tumor. I have to admit my mind and heart have been racing all week in anticipation of what the MRI (I will have today) will reveal. Some days, I think the tumor is shrinking. Other days, I feel like it has gotten larger (at least the pain leads me to think that way).
You, of course, can imagine the hypotheticals so I won't go there, but it would do my heart oh-so-good to hear this treatment is working. You see, my cancer is incredibly rare (I do plan on sharing more about the particular cancer I have in a future post). I can't overstate how rare it is. There is no targeted treatment for my tumor, no clinical trials. The only consistent word docs have used to describe it is - nasty. Dr. Benjamin simply stated at my last appointment, "I have seen this (particular type of chemo) be effective with this tumor." And so, that has been our prayer all along - that the chemo works and gets this bad stuff out of me.
I try and try to guard my heart against the odds of this disease but I felt very attacked by its ugly statistics this week. It is so easy to camp out on what research shows and on what treatments have and haven't done. It's human default to dwell on "the ifs." However, I have to keep coming back to the Truth. God is not a God of statistics. In fact, He loves to buck the odds - so to speak - and simply show Himself to be God . . . that way He alone can get the glory (and I'm all for that).
He is, after all, the One who created every cell of my body. He alone is the sustainer of my life. He is the one who ordained I would have this disease and He is in absolute control of how this chemo is going to work in my body. At the end of the day, He doesn't need medicine to heal me. He can do that effortlessly.
As much as I desperately want to trust in this chemo, I felt the Lord was reminding me this week to continue choosing to put my 100% trust in Him and what He's doing with my diagnosis, my treatment, my prognosis. In Isaiah 49:23, it says, "Those who hope in me [the Lord] will not be disappointed." I assume that's what Isaiah and the Psalmist were saying - that the man who trusted in the Lord would have no fear of bad news for his heart would be steadfast and secure because his hope and trust were in the Lord.
Heading into these next two days, that is where I pray my heart would continually choose to be - trusting & hoping completing in Him.
PRAYER REQUESTS
- Today (Sunday) - I have blood work (11am) and an MRI of my right arm (1:30pm). This MRI will be compared to an MRI I had of my right arm prior to chemo. Please pray for those doing the blood work and especially for the tech performing my MRI - for accuracy in gathering clear images to compare with my baseline MRI. Please pray I would be able to be still and comfortable through the procedure.
- I will meet with Dr. Benjamin on Monday (11am). Pray for my heart during this visit. For peace as we await the results of my MRI and hear Dr. B's thoughts on the future of my treatment. Ultimately, our prayer continues to be that the chemo works to shrink and destroy the cancer in my body as well as for total and complete healing. I have mentioned kissing Dr. B's cute bald head if there is good news. I am not above this - so let's pray I make a fool of myself :)
- All of this journey is a refining process, so many lessons to learn and relearn. Please pray my focus would be vertical whether I'm lying still for an MRI or waiting to talk with Dr. B. Pray the HS and God's Word guard my heart from the Enemy's lies.
Thank you, thank you for praying and believing big with us. We do believe He will do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine!
Dearest Kelsey: Doug and I are praying that you get some positive news from Dr. Benjamine and that the Lord him in his continued treatment plan for you. We love you bunches. May God really shield you and fill you with His peace these next few days. In Christ, Sharl and Doug Taylor
ReplyDeleteKeep remembering that God is greater than anything the doctors see or feel - ultimately He can do what they cannot. In 1996 I was told that I had extensive cancer in my breast that had spread into my lymph nodes and did not look good. I met with the pastors and elders who prayed for me and headed in for one more MRI they wanted to do before surgery. The cancer was gone and the radiologist freaked out. They made the tech redo the test. She then came in with the MRI they had done the week before and the one they had just done and showed me that she couldn't find the cancer at all on the new one and showed me where it showed up on the previous one. She was totally freaked out. I then saw the surgeon I had been sent to for the surgery and he read her report to me and told me that they couldn't explain it, especially since even the biopsy that he had done had showed it was cancer. I then asked him if he would like me to explain what had happened. He then asked me if that was why I hadn't freaked out when he told me I could die. It was a good chance to share with a nonbeliever. I reminded him that I felt God was in control and even if I did die , it was OK because I knew where I was going. We are continuing to pray for you guys to the God who is powerful and able to heal.
ReplyDeleteKelsey,
ReplyDeleteI, too, focus on God's promises. As a 5 year Cancer Survivor, I call out to and trust in my Lord. I pray with you and thank Him for your witness.
I praise Him, Yahweh Rophe, The Lord Who Heals You, for healing in His Name.
Praying for your health and protection,
Rochelle
Kelsey: Your wonderful mom told me about this blog. I want you to know that I will be praying for you, as well countless others. Your faith is AWESOME and so, too, is HE who you worship. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteKerry Nelson, Balfour Sales Rep
Minnesota