A Glimpse of His Faithfulness

I realize some of you reading might not know that we were expecting another child at the beginning of December and that we found out earlier this week I had lost the baby and he was with Jesus (Chris and I both believe our little one was a boy). I was almost 12 weeks pregnant when we received the news, and I had my D&C yesterday. Trust me, I will have more to write about concerning this journey and miscarriage #2 in blogs to come as I process everything.

But in the meantime, I wanted to share this image with you. Chris captured this yesterday as I was resting after the D&C procedure. Our 14-month-old sweet pea rarely, if ever, sleeps in our laps. She’s an active little jumping bean. However, I think even 1-year-olds can discern when things aren’t right. So, little Alexa Hope climbed up into my lap so she could cuddle with Mommy and I could read her a book. Before I knew it, she was out. What a precious gift the Lord gave me – the reminder I was holding our “hope fulfilled” and even though yesterday was a day of loss and deep sadness, it’s also a day I can hold close the child He’s given us with an immense sense of gratitude for her life, God’s faithfulness, and His goodness. Yes, we are now a family of five. We have the privilege of holding sweet Alexa Hope in our arms and we look forward with anticipation to embracing our two “perfect” children when we see Jesus. We simply have to trust God’s perfect purpose & plan for our family. After two miscarriages, I know there are no answers. God is sovereign – period.

This is a passage I’ve been meditating on as I know the road ahead can be long – filled with stages of grief, doubt, anger, and sadness. I want to be reminded of the Father’s deep love for us and to know, with confidence and renewed faith, He can accomplish in and through us so much more than our finite minds can grasp. In moments like these, it is so easy to blame and question God – but this passage reminds me He loves me SO much. He loves our family SO much. He loves our three children SO much and He knows what He’s doing. I want to rest in that in the days to come – especially the hard ones.

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
Ephesians 3:14-21
My prayer now is that the Lord would heal – physically, emotionally & spiritually, that we would be open to grow through this experience and glorify Him in the midst of it, and that, with renewed hope & faith, we would trust the Father for a new beginning. Thank you to all of you who have prayed us through this experience and continue to lift us up as we heal and process this loss.